17 September 2007

Female Asscrackage Under The Prism Of The Democratic Process

Before anyone decided that women should be allowed to vote, or hold jobs, or walk outside, someone should have made sure that these subservient beings were capable of putting on pants.

Lucky for us, our good friends at Whale Tail have documented some of the instances where low-rise jeans attack. Rate each thong-and-buttocks combo with the unbiased eye that only you possess. Fair warning: Some asses are prettier than others (but you don't need me to tell you that), but all are worth a gander, at least for, oh, 5 minutes or so. It doesn't take much longer than that for repeats to show up, and some pictures are either too big, or don't show up at all.

While definitely worth a peek, Whale Tail falls short of its potential, and the site isn't really everything it's cracked up to be. How ironic.


Website: C
Service to Mankind: A+

03 September 2007

HR 1: Advice from the Founders

Benjamin Franklin, Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress (1745).

June 25, 1745

My dear Friend,

I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entering into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

i. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor'd with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with much Inconvenience.

4. Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin'd to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding2 only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.

8thly and Lastly They are so grateful!!

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely Your affectionate Friend.


Benjamin Franklin-- Even in death, a gentleman, scholar, and a inspiration to the great House O' Dudes.

28 August 2007

House Resolution 1: A Defining of Terms

First, I would like to applaud distinguished gentleman from South Carolina for bringing up a topic that has much need for debate. All men would agree that there should be some form of rules, mores, etc. when dating, otherwise mankind would degenerate into concupiscent beasts made most infamous by German schiesty films, hipsters at MisShapes, and the 2005 Minnesota Vikings. Wearing leather suits, rocking eye make-up/lipstick, and using a double-sided dildo in full view of your teammates is no way to go through life, son(s)!

But I think it’s important to distinguished between what noted man philosopher Ice-T characterized as the only three women that a man needs: his wife, his mistress, and his ho’. If you meet a girl who might potentially be your wife, rules should apply. The same essentially goes with a mistress. However the ho’ deserves no such accommodations. I’ve dealt with these chicken-headed strumpets for quite some time, and the truth of it is that they want you to treat them badly. The nicer you are, the less they like you, and the more you treat them like crap, they either (a) like you more or (b) get so offended that they leave you entirely. The latter has never happened. The only rules that should apply to the man trying to bed one are...

1. Wear a rubber
2. Never pay for anything/pay only for alcohol
3. Seek immediate and ultimate self-gratification with no regard for anything else
4. Seriously dude, wear a fucking rubber.

We need to define our terms. I move that the title of HR 1 “To ordain and establish the requisite waiting period to have sex with a new significant other” should be struck, and changed to “To ordain and establish the requisite waiting period to have sex with a potential wife and/or mistress.”

From there we can continue this debate.

INTERNAL NOTE: Will the kind speaker of this house place this movement in a field that is appropriate if it is not already so.

House Resolution 1: Waiting Period for Sexy Time in a New Relationship

House o' Dudes

1st Session

H. R. 1

To ordain and establish the requsite waiting period to have sex with a new significant other.


AUGUST 28, 2007

Mr. MONDAY MORNING PUNTER of South Carolina introduces the following bill; which was referred to the Esteemed forthwith


To allocate and identify proper passage of time for hitting that ass.

Be it enacted by the House o' Dudes of the United States of America assembled,


This Act may be cited as the 'Sexy Time Act of 2007'.


The waiting period shall be considered expired when any of the following occur:

(a) Thirty (30) days from the first (1st) date,
(b) Sum of all dating and relationship expenditures exceeds $300 US dollars (USD)
(c) the Conclusion of the mutual watching of a second feature film with an 'R' rating or greater.


This ACT shall be debated and/or amended during House business, with the House Vote For Passage to transpire 31 AUGUST 2007 at 12 PM.

26 August 2007

Passport Necessary?

Hindi? Punjabi? I'm not sure.

That's Spanish, I know that.

It's a linguist's paradise.

Disheveled children running about. Dirty faces and hands.

Lot of camouflage hats. And shorts.

Not a lot of smiling faces.

Beginning to regret making this trek to the third world.

In the future, I'll drive the extra few miles to Target.

Walmart scares the hell out of me.

Sage Advice

I trust you'll show this to every woman you know, because it's about time they were told again.

25 August 2007

Shades Of My Dong

I've always wondered what a blog would look like if it was the same color as my cock.

The look of this thing will be in flux for a while, until we can get the graphics hosted. Thanks for...nothing.

A Saturday In August

Mid-day and the Florida sun is scorching earth and flesh. Too hot to go outside. Air conditioning is the only refuge. A cold Blue Moon with an orange slice. A box of tissue. Lotion. An old Dallas Cowboys tee shirt. A DVD and a big screen HDTV.

August Saturday afternoons before the start of college football season are all the same, aren't they?

Who the fuck are you people?

I haven't slept in 40 hours, an d I'm so zonked out on Red Bull and Vodka and some pill some midget gave me I can't even feel my cock.

Visions of a dark future.

I Am Drunk

I met some people from work tonight at the bar. I am so smashed right now. I called all my KSK boys and then went to my office and then drove home. Is that bad?

Yes. Yes, it is.

24 August 2007



I have no clue if anyone will ever read this, but I got this invite from MMP earlier tonight. I don't have a clue if this is gonna be a real blog or what, but we'll find out, I guess.


Is there ever an appropriate time to get nasty with a woman? Don't you, in some way, have to come out and say, "Baby, I wanna fuck you good tonight." These are the things I want to know.