25 March 2008

Where Is Claus?
And Why You Should Care...

Claus, whose inquiry into a picture called "Sheep Parade" inspired the header for HOD, has officially gone missing.

Landon: Claus no longer exists!!!!

according to myspace

me: ?????


Landon: yeah, i'm strangely saddened by this

me: that is horrible

well, sheep parade will live forever on houseodudes.com

Landon: haha, awesome. the legacy lives on.
Now that you're sufficiently confused, I'll start at the beginning.

8:52 AM Landon: dude, i have a great story

me: I have no life
please continue

Landon: so i got a myspace message from someone named Claus
8:53 AM not claus like santa claus, some danish guy named claus
at first i thought it was regular spam
until the subject line said "hey Landon"
i dont' know a claus nor have i ever
so i was curious

me: hmm
now I'm curious...

8:54 AM Landon: so here was his message...

Let me just take a wild guess

I was searching fore running sheeps through flickr.com
and then there appeared a very good photo of a lot of running sheeps in new zealand.

The reason why I searched fore it was that I don..t actually have access to those types of pictures since I..m from Denmark/Aarhus. And since I..ve have attended to use some running sheeps in an further artistic sence.

So, a long story short, you wouldn..t happen to be the owner of the picture called sheep parade at flickr.com.

If so, can I get the permission to use it makeing a work of art.

I hope your will consider

p.s feel free to check out my website.
www.claus-velling-hansen.dk [This link still works, btw –ED]


i will give you a minute to read that and fully enjoy it

8:55 AM me: sheep parade?!?!?!

Landon: haha, i know!

so i replied....

Hello Claus,

Glad to hear you came across my photos of running sheep. Feel free to use them. It would be an honor.

If you ever need anything else, please feel free to send me a message.



and sent a friend request
which he accepted

8:56 AM me: WTF

Landon: this morning i get in to work and have 2 messages from Claus

the first....

Hello Landon

That..s just great !!!
because the idea came into my head after I had heard Trentemøller.. moan video (I don..t know if you know him, but he makes very good electronic music)

And then I was so lucky that I guy from Scotland give me permisson also to use his photo of Roslin Institute, where the sheep dolly was created.... and then I guess you can imagine the rest....

Thanks alot again



the second...

Hello Landon

I have submitted the sheep parade picture, and then I saw that it..s resolution was that high, you wouldn..t happen to have it in a higher resolution.

If so, please mail it to my email adress: claus@claus-veling-hansen.dk



8:57 AM me: you don't own that picture, do you?

Landon: of course not

me: HAHA

Landon: i replied...

Hi Claus,

Unfortunately I don't have the picture in a higher resolution, only the format you have.

I hope you're still able to use it.

- Landon

i am cracking up over here
i love the internet

me: My favorite part might be:

"Trentemøller.. moan video (I don..t know if you know him, but he makes very good electronic music)"

8:58 AM Landon: haha, i know

me: oh, yeah, trentmoller

Landon: i like the .. instead of an apostrophe
the whole thing is magic

me: it's absolute magic

Landon: i knew you'd appreciate it

8:59 AM me: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sethward/73689563/

Landon: do you think this is the picture?

me: I don't know!
9:00 AM I just searched "sheep parade"

Landon: HAHA
haha, this is awesome

me: I'm lovin it
9:01 AM or...it could be this... http://www.flickr.com/photos/cocktailia/471301964/

Landon: HAHAHA, I HOPE that's not it

me: hehe, I like this one:
"Ewe have a nice day!"
9:02 AM http://www.flickr.com/photos/macomaco/1790746209/

Landon: HAHAHA
Ewe have a nice day, i love it
9:03 AM i have been laughing since last night

me: it's just so fucking bizarre

Landon: exactly
so fucking random

9:04 AM me: I also searched "sheep parade Landon" and got nothing

Landon: and i could have left it alone...

me: the fact that he wanted a better resolution makes it twice as good

Landon: haha, i know
sorry to disappoint him, but i don't even have the original
9:05 AM now i have to see this "project" he's using it for

me: I know!

Landon: and now Claus is on my buddies list

me: please keep tabs on that guy

Landon: i'll try to
this might be worthy of a pan-atlantic road trip

me: this is a little more understated

9:41 AM Landon: haha, what would happen if this "project" became a huge success?
became the Mona Lisa of sheep related artworkd
and Claus was the next Monet

9:42 AM me: we could say we remembered him when

Landon: yeah, but the real owner of the photo might surface, then we'd have a controversy
the plot would thicken

me: controversy!
9:43 AM please make that happen

Landon: i can't do anything about that, the art community has to make it happen

9:44 AM me: it's on their narrow shoulders now

Landon: it's completely in their hands
if a can of tomato soup can become famous, then why can't running sheep?

9:45 AM me: so profound
he will do for sheep what picasso did for goofy shapes

Landon: haha
or what Salvador Dali did for melting clocks and mustaches

9:46 AM me: or what Degas did for pedophilia

Landon: or Hitchcock for birds

me: or Bob Ross for happy trees

10:36 AM Landon: from my cousin regarding Claus:

I can’t even imagine how he got you wrapped up in his sheep love affair – hope he wears a condom!

10:39 AM me: ...
that almost ruined the whole thing for me

10:40 AM Landon: haha!

10:41 AM i don't think it could be ruined at this point

10:42 AM me: no, it's very resilient

Landon: fortunately
10:43 AM claus just sent me a message!

10:44 AM Hi

I can..t garentee it but I will try and see how it turns out.


me: ooooh
the intrigue!

Landon: my response:

Well, I hope you're able to use it. I was also hoping to see the final project when you're done. I am excited that my picture will be incorporated into a piece of art.

- Landon

me: nice

10:48 AM Landon: thanks

21 March 2008

20 March 2008

'Hillary ain't never been called a nigger!'

So if you haven't heard about Obama's minister, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, talkin' shit about Israel, you better recognize. While Obama reaches for the I HAVE LOTS OF JEWISH FRIENDS card, some people are wondering if he's getting a pass on incidents like this.

There were those who tried to compare the connection between Obama and Wright to that of Republican candidates to extremist preachers from the Evangelistic right. For example, the relationship between John McCain and the pro-Israel preacher John Hagee, who has already expressed similar contempt for the Catholic faith. This is a possible comparison, but in this case it is not applicable.

"[Obama's] connection to Wright isn't the equivalent to John McCain's going to Liberty University to make nice with [preacher] Jerry Falwell," writes Ross Douthat in The Atlantic magazine. "It's the equivalent of John McCain taking his wife and children, most Sundays, to Jerry Falwell's church." And this McCain has not done - neither with Falwell, nor with Hagee."

This is what one of Obama's Jewish listeners in Cleveland asked him: "Would a Jewish senator be forgiven for his belonging to a synagogue which is headed by a rabbi who curses America?" He thinks that such a senator would not. He also thinks that Obama has been treated lightly on this issue. Why? The listener is silent. If he would have spoken, he would certainly have mentioned the color of the candidate's skin. He is not the only one to hold that extreme remarks by African-American leaders are treated leniently.

In any event, the debate concerning the candidate's skin color is renewing. Wright, when he explained the deficiencies of the opposing candidate, said "Hillary [Clinton] ain't never been called a Nigger!"

That may be true, but nobody ever said Obama had a penis like it was a bad thing.

19 March 2008

The Florida-Michigan Thing:
Not a Capital One Bowl Recap

Does all this talk about do-overs and superdelegates has you muttering, "What the fuck?" Me too. So far, this is all I know:

Florida and Michigan had their primaries in January, which was a violation of party rules because they were held too early. The Democratic National Committee (DNC, yeah you know me!) has declared both of those primaries invalid. Hillary would have won both states had those results been valid. Obama was not even on the ballot in Michigan, obviously because they hate black people there.

The significance of this is that those two states would have sat 336 delegates, all of which would have been voting for Clinton. As your dumb ass can tell from the graphic at the top, Obama leads by 128 delegates.

Since accountability is absent from any politician's credo, and since the DNC has realized that the race for the nomination is too close to warrant passivity, a sect of the party is scrambling to devise a way to let Florida and Michigan off the hook. From sfgate.com:

The fairest approach would be to schedule binding contests in Michigan and Florida. [Another] primary in each state would seem unlikely because of the cost and logistics it would impose on state and local governments. A more practical alternative would be to hold caucuses in each state, with the costs being absorbed by the Democratic National Committee. Clinton, who has been arguing for the seating of the delegates from the nonbinding January primaries, obviously has no interest in a do-over in Michigan or Florida - especially because Obama has performed particularly well in the caucus format.

I love how "fair" to them just means "whatever Hillary is interested in doing." I understand that some homosexuals live in San Francisco. I think that's great.

Anyway, this whole shitheap is still up in the air, and everyone's weighing in. Conservative pundit Glenn Beck, who's not nearly as bad as Ann Coulter, says "Rules is rules."

Americans aren't disenfranchised because our leaders won't count votes in a couple of states. They're disenfranchised because our leaders aren't doing their jobs. They're disenfranchised because after working hard to support their families and to raise kids who understand the difference between right and wrong, their leaders do exactly the opposite.

In the cases of Florida and Michigan, I've patiently listened to all the moving arguments about why there should be a "do-over," but quite honestly, they're not arguments at all. They're excuses. If this race wasn't so close, or if these states offered a combined 36 delegates instead of 366, do you really think anyone would care? Of course not.

Honestly, I think they should have a do-over of that Capital One Bowl. How the fuck did Lloyd Carr manage to win a bowl game?

18 March 2008

Overheard in Columbus:

George Jefferson, James Anderson, [and] Michael Washington promised life, liberty, and clean pantaloons

Thanks, Brandon M.

17 March 2008

Tarkenton to Tiger: Keep It Real

NFL Hall of Fame quarterback and expert of African-American sociology Fran Tarkenton said on his blog that he expects Tiger Woods to endorse Barack Obama for the presidency(emphasis mine, as always).

Tiger has never, in my memory, endorsed any political candidate or taken any strong political stand. Sometimes people have even criticized him for that. I certainly haven’t. I think he’s done everything right.

But I’m going to share with you that I think that very soon, in this historic year of politics in America, Tiger Woods will come out with a strong endorsement of Barack Obama. And I think it would be the right thing for him to do.

The right thing to do? Really? Why is that, Francis?

It is an historic time – a young black man running for President of the United States of America, with a very good chance to win. And here is an icon of sports who happens to be black, [that would be] endorsing that candidate.

Opra [sic] Winfrey had never supported another candidate publicly before, and she’s come out, as she should. And I just believe that the two of these tremendous men, Barack Obama and Tiger Woods should join forces, and my prediction is that Tiger, in the next few weeks or months, will come out with a strong endorsement of Barack. Watch for it.

This isn't gonna happen. First of all, Tiger Woods isn't black, he's Cablinasian. Secondly, even if he was black, who gives a shit? Does Opra? Tiger certainly doesn't put any stock in that sort of thing. He named his daughter after the fat hobbit in Lord of the Rings, for fuck's sake.

Nike athletes wouldn't endorse so much as a cup of chocolate milk, they're so allergic to controversy. More to the point, it costs them money. Most of us have no problem when Tiger tells us what to shave with or what shoes to buy, but who we vote for is none of his concern, just as his vote is none of ours.

I wish somebody would hand that fucking memo to Elton John.

12 March 2008

Why, Silda? Why?

Stand by your man? Whatever. You're just as big a ho as that bitch he hired.

11 March 2008

Geraldine Be Hatin'

Geraldine Ferraro, who knows so much about winning presidential elections, was talkin' shit about Barack to some shitty newspaper someplace.

Ferraro told the Daily Breeze of Torrance, Calif.: "If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position. And if he was a woman (of any color) he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is. And the country is caught up in the concept."

Ferraro, a former New York Congresswomanperson, has been supporting Hillary and helping her raise money throughout the campaign. But when the word hit the street, Clinton didn't trip, and let loose with a "Bitch be Cuh-RAY-ZAY!"

Clinton said, "I do not agree with that," and later added, "It's regrettable that any of our supporters — on both sides, because we both have this experience — say things that kind of veer off into the personal."

"We ought to keep this on the issues. there are differences between us" on approaches to health care, energy, experience.

What the fuck is going on in that camp, man? "Oh, let's get Geraldine on camera! That'll set everyone straight!" Fucking morons. That's almost a worse idea than a Hillary-Geraldine sex tape. Almost.

10 March 2008

Obama Pimps Out Black Women And White Women

Pastor Manning of ATLAH World Ministries has an opinion or two about the junior Senator from Illinois.

Thanks, Dad.

09 March 2008

So 18% Of Voting Ohio Is Racist ?

Y! News points to exit polls from the Ohio primary that suggests that strong black support from Obama in that state may have turned Whitey the other way (emphasis mine):

Ronald Walters, a University of Maryland political scientist who tracks racial trends and is writing a book on Obama, thinks Obama's strong support from blacks made it easier for some whites in Ohio and Texas to vote for Clinton.

"There's some of that," Walters said in an interview. He pointed to exit polls from Ohio, where 62 percent of all whites lack college degrees and many are anxious about their jobs in a weak economy.

"This is a racially sensitive group," he said, referring specifically to whites who earn less than $50,000 a year and did not attend college.

"They are the quintessential Reagan Democrats," he said. "They feel they've been left" and their resentment can have social and racial overtones.

Ohio exit polls support Walters' view. Eighteen percent of white Ohio voters said race was an important factor in their decision, and of that group, three in four voted for Clinton.

So one in four potential white supremacists voted for Obama? How's that now?

And all those black people that voted for Obama? They weren't being racist; they're just well-educated advocates for hope and change. Remember that controversial phone ad that Hillary started running a couple weeks ago? It should have just been scrolling text that read,"Hillary. The Other White Meat."

[Yahoo! News]

'It's time to wish niggers good luck.'

[Dr. Condi] is accomplished as hell: a Ph.D. in poli-sci from the University of Denver. Former provost of Stanford. At thirty-five, barely a kid in Washington years, she was a staffer at the National Security Council. She came onto the foreign-policy train wreck that was the early days of G. W. Bush's 2000 campaign. Helped mold his malapropism-afflicted worldview into a demicoherent one. After the certification of Bush's election, Dr. Condi got herself easily appointed as national-security advisor.

Firsts all the way around.

Black America should have been singing hosannas.

But Condi was Republican. So never mind.

COLIN POWELL was the undisputed superstar of American politics.

His bio was bulletproof.

His bona fides undeniable: service in 'Nam. Chairman of the Joint Chiefs. Part of the team that cruised to victory in Gulf War I. Author of the Powell Doctrine, which states that overwhelming force makes an enemy your bee-yotch.

When he quit the military, real quick Powell became "the Get." Both parties wanted to snag him, wag him from their standard.

Powell went right.

Predictably, niggers immediately abandoned him.

Victory was at hand. The U. S. crewmen were just days and an official letter of regret to the Chinese government away from returning home. And you know that homecoming would have been filled with hoopla and pageantry. The Retro Guard would have to kneel before the superior intellect of the ascended black. Likewise, the Old-School Negroes and their liberal massas would be forced to acknowledge the evolutionary brother and sister. When the images of the homecoming were played and played and played from the morning empty-chat shows through the nightly news to Larry King and his first exclusive primetime interview (with call-ins!) of the crew, all of America would see freedom was won by a black man, a black woman.

They would have seen all that.


Niggers fucked it up.

The Manifesto of Ascendancy for the Modern American Nigger.

A compelling read from John Ridley, originally published in November 2006.