House O'Dudes

THE PODCAST

2008-10-07T23:30:00.003-04:00

This is the first of many "House of Dudes" podcasts. In this episode, my wife and I discuss Sarah Palin. It's total garbage, but this is where it all begins!

One correction: Michigan has 17 electoral votes. Not 11. My b.

THE LITTLE FACTOR

2008-10-07T20:05:00.001-04:00

Hol. Lee. Shit.

KATIE THINKS PALIN IS 'INTERESTING'

2008-09-25T17:09:00.004-04:00

Sarah Palin is probably the only person in North America that could make Katie Couric look like a serious journalist. Katie throws out a loaded question about the government's bailout proposal, and Palin tries to answer without a teleprompter. Bad idea.

I wonder if Palin made any additions to her campaign staff in recent weeks.

HE WANTS A PLAN TO PAY FOR IT

2008-09-25T17:04:00.005-04:00

What The Young Turks lack in set design, they more than make up for in fiscal prudence.

Why Is There Always Money For Wall Street And War And Not For Healthcare? [YouTube]

OBAMA: SAVE SHITTY JOBS

2008-09-23T20:30:00.007-04:00

Well done, Onion News. Well done.

Obama Promises To Stop America's Shitty Jobs From Going Overseas [The Onion]

Thanks, Ann Z.

GOVERNMENT: PART OF THE PROBLEM

2008-09-22T13:27:00.009-04:00

If you're one of those people that's giving the cock-eyed dog look to the plans being proposed to avert an American financial crisis, you're not alone. Nearly three-quarters of a trillion dollars-worth of federal aid is being earmarked for a staggering economic intervention.

All that shitty debt that the banks couldn't sell? They finally have a buyer--the United States government.

The plan would allow the Treasury to buy up troubled assets from U.S.-based companies and foreign firms with big U.S. operations. The aim is for the government to buy the securities at a discount, hold onto them and then sell them for a profit.

Experts liken the Treasury's plan to the Home Owners' Loan Corp., put in place in 1933 to stem foreclosures and help refinance defaulting mortgages and boost banks' liquidity.

The one question I want an answer to is this: Is it worth all of this for people to own their own homes? Is it worth another near-trillion dollars of national debt to pay for the errors that these lenders have made?

Sorry, that's two questions, and I realize they're both really fundamental. Some of you will say, yes, the solvency of these institutions is essential for a capitalist society to operate. And I would agree.

But what if just a handful of these banks, you know, the ones that really fucked up, were allowed to fail? What if we (gasp) heeded to the laws of the free market and forced the owners and vendors of this debt to face the consequences of their actions?

WHY THE FUCK ARE WE TRYING TO SAVE EVERYBODY?

Why are your tax payments being used as a white-collar National Guard? Why aren't these companies that dug their own graves being allowed to fall into them? Why is the government EVEN CONSIDERING ownership of such large multinational firms?

Let's ask Paul LaMonica, CNN Money's noted liberal douchebag analyst (and I say that because he opens up with this ridiculous tirade about CEO pay. YOU get over it, fuckface). He says the government has no choice, and his angle is that there are too many jobs at stake. Emphasis added:

Add that up and you've got nearly 11 million people, or just under 10% of the entire nation's labor force, working in industries that could be directly (and negatively) affected if the financial services sector and housing market were left to just sort themselves out.

"Nobody wanted this to happen. It ticks me off as a taxpayer but what were the options? Let the entire banking system go under? Then you might not have a job," Norris added.

The bailout will certainly come at a great economic price. The current estimate is $700 billion. There's no escaping the fact this will add to the nation's already sizable deficit.

Doing the math, you're spending about $63k to artificially preserve each job. Is that price not too high? Eh, the government's paying for it. Who cares? Pardon the sarcasm, but I obviously think this price is a bit steep. And that's the estimate, mind you.

Me? I blame government for getting us into this mess, and the Wall Street Journal seems to agree keeping government out of this as much as possible is the best course of action:

Washington is as deeply implicated in this meltdown as anyone on Wall Street or at Countrywide Financial. Going back decades, but especially in the past 15 or so years, our politicians have promoted housing and easy credit with a variety of subsidies and policies that helped to create and feed the mania.

Let them crash. And let the rest of the sector take notice. Nobody's gonna assume risk of shitty business decisions when the government remains waiting with a blank check, ready to save the world from problems they managed to cause in the first place.

Bailout Taking Shape [CNN Money]

Be Ticked Off, But Get Over It [CNN Money]

A Mortgage Fable [Wall Street Journal]

JOE BIDEN TALKS SHIT ABOUT OHIO STATE

2008-09-19T23:46:00.007-04:00

Joe Biden, you motherfucker. The last thing you need to be doing is talking shit about my team, especially while I'm talking shit about my team in the wake of a crushing and catastrophic loss to a Pac-10 team. I DON'T WANT A GOVERNMENT THAT TRIES TO RELIEVE MY ANGST FOR ME!

Speaking to members of the University of Delaware football team Friday morning, the Democratic VP candidate said he thinks the Fightin Blue Hens (1-1 this season) could thrash a certain team from Ohio.

"I was out in Ohio," he said while fiddling with a football in his hands. "I told the folks in Ohio that we'd kick Ohio State's ass!" (It remains unclear if Biden actually ever told Ohio voters this.)

Now if Biden had been talking shit about white quarterbacks, I could get down with that. But the last thing I want to hear about is FCS speed.

Biden, a proud University of Delaware alum, was clearly trying to rally his Division 1-AA team ahead of their match-up with Furman this weekend, but the comments couldn't have come at a worse time for faithful Buckeye fans who saw their team suffer a 35-3 trouncing at the hands of USC last weekend.

The comments also come as polls show the race in Ohio could hardly be tighter: A CNN poll of polls in the Buckeye state shows Obama holding a slim 1 point lead there. Close enough, presumably, that enough angry OSU fans could just make the difference — at least that's what Republicans are hoping.

Hey, look at me! I'm Joe Biden! Get fucked, Joseph. I get enough of this shit from Ufford. At least Ufford has actually killed people. What did you ever do? Um, you know, besides that political stuff?

Biden in hot water with some Ohioans [CNN.com]

HOCKEY MOMS: PALIN UNFIT TO CARPOOL

2008-09-18T18:56:00.005-04:00

For all the press that Tina Fey received for a mediocre impression of somebody we all thought she resembled anyway, these girls have taken it up a notch in a much more creative (and hilarious) way.

Hat tip to NOBODY, so get fucked.

YouTube: Hockey Moms Against Sarah Palin

DAVID FOSTER WALLACE SPENT A WEEK ON BULLSHIT ONE

2008-09-18T01:19:00.010-04:00

We're very late mentioning Wallace here, but someone did pass along this amazing account he produced for Rolling Stone back in 2000, when he followed the John McCain campaign through South Carolina during the presidential primaries, on the flagship bus affectionately called Bullshit One.

Wallace covers McCain's internment in Hanoi, his campaign team's response to a negative campaign ad from George W. Bush (referred to simply as "The Shrub"), and the analysis of the news techies that have seen it all before:

This logic turns out to be indeed solid, even brilliant, and the NBC, CBS and CNN techs flesh it out while the ABC cameraman puts several emergency sandwiches in his lens bag for tonight's flight south on a campaign plane whose provisioning is notoriously inconsistent. The Shrub's attack leaves McCain with two options.

If he does not retaliate, some SC voters will credit McCain for taking the high road. But it could also come off as wimpy, might compromise McCain's image as a tough, take-no-shit guy with the balls to take on the Washington kleptocracy. So McCain pretty much has to strike back, the techs agree. But this is extremely dangerous, for by retaliating — which of course (despite all Murphy's artful dodging) means going Negative himself — McCain runs the risk of looking like just another ambitious, win-at-any-cost politician.

Worse, the CBS cameraman points out, if Bush then turns around and retaliates against the retaliation, and McCain has to re-retaliate against Bush's retaliation, and so on, then the whole GOP race could quickly degenerate into the sort of boring, depressing, cynical charge- and counter-charge contest that turns voters off and keeps them away from the polls.

If we were going to call anything "must read," this would be it. I can't believe this guy's gone.

Wikipedia: David Foster Wallace

Rolling Stone: The Weasel, Twelve Monkeys And The Shrub

Wikipedia: Republican Party (United States) presidential primaries, 2000

DILBERT POLL ENDORSES OBAMA

2008-09-18T00:41:00.006-04:00

Dilbert creator Scott Adams commissioned a survey of 500 economists to field their opinions on the two main candidates in the presidential election. Adams wanted advice from members of the American Economic Association on whether McCain or Obama would be better suited for addressing the issues that affect this great land. Adams unveiled the results on his blog, and on CNN.com:

This summer I found myself wishing someone would give voters useful and unbiased information about which candidate has the best plans for the economy.

Then I realized that I am someone, which is both inconvenient and expensive. So for once I asked not what my country could do for me.

Now you have to stay awake for this part, because this is where the numbers come in:

When asked which candidate for President would be best for the economy in the long run, not surprisingly, 88% of Democratic economists think Obama would be best, while 80% of Republican economists pick McCain.

Independent economists, who in this sample are largely from the academic world, lean toward Obama by 46% compared to 39% for McCain. Overall, 59% of the economists say Obama would be best for the economy long term, with 31% picking McCain, and 8% saying there would be no difference.

How does Adams himself lean politically?

On social issues, I lean Libertarian, minus the crazy stuff.

Moneywise,
I can't support a candidate who promises to tax the bejeezus out of my bracket,
give the windfall to a bunch of clowns with a 14 percent approval rating
(Congress), and hope they spend it wisely.

Unfortunately, the
alternative to the guy who promises to pillage my wallet is a lukewarm cadaver.
I'm in trouble either way.

I just hope whoever gets elected notices that
the economists in my survey don't think that raising my taxes is a priority.

Hear, hear. You know what's a priority with me? Free whores. Seriously, the first candidate to go pro-whore won't be able to pack his bags for Washington fast enough.

Dilbert Blog
CNN.com article

PALIN'S EMAIL ACCT HACKED

2008-09-17T01:19:00.000-04:00

This is why we can't have nice things. Meathead.

Gawker: Sarah Palin's Personal Emails

McCAIN IS GAINING...SORT OF

2008-09-12T01:33:00.005-04:00

Nate Silver of FiveThirtyEight.com, one of the great election data blogs, has done a comparison of the polls from before the election and after, and reports that while McCain has made gains in the popular vote polling (about 2 points), he hasn't received any boost in terms of beating Obama in the Electoral College:

McCain's gain in our popular vote projection has been 2.1 points. Note, however, that his gains have been less than that in essentially all of the most important swing states, including Ohio, Michigan, Florida, Colorado, Pennsylvania and New Hampshire. Only Virginia is on the other side of the line, and then only barely so.

As a result of all this, the Electoral College remains too close to call, even though McCain has a 1-2 point advantage in the popular vote. Obama now has an 8.4 percent chance of winning the Electoral College while losing the popular vote, which is far and away the highest that this number has been all year.

This merits a quick blurb about the Electoral College from Wikipedia:

Candidates can fail to get the most votes in the nationwide popular vote in a Presidential election and still win that election. This occurred in 1876, 1888 and 2000. Critics argue the Electoral College is inherently undemocratic and gives certain swing states disproportionate clout in selecting the President and Vice President. Adherents argue that the Electoral College is an important and distinguishing feature of the federal system, and protects the rights of smaller states. Numerous constitutional amendments have been submitted seeking a replacement of the Electoral College with a direct popular vote. However, no submission has ever successfully passed both Houses of Congress.

I have no idea how many undecided voters are out there, but in this polarized political landscape, I wonder how much ground there really is to gain. FiveThirtyEight's projection has McCain taking 272 of the 538 electoral votes in November, more than the required 270 needed to win the presidency...barely.

More from FiveThirtyEight next week. I guess we're doing some posts over here again.

Things We Wish We'd Have Seen At The RNC

2008-09-10T12:35:00.004-04:00

'THE FATHER, THE SON, AND THE WHORE GIRL'

2008-05-14T21:49:00.002-04:00

Pastor Manning is back. And, therefore, so are we.

Thanks, flubby.

HILLARY WASN'T LYING, YOU ASSHOLES!

2008-03-31T22:48:00.001-04:00

Thanks, Dad.

Obama Is A Pimp, Part 2

2008-03-27T10:08:00.002-04:00

Thanks, allthemusicnews.com

Where Is Claus? And Why You Should Care...

2008-03-25T08:17:00.000-04:00

Claus, whose inquiry into a picture called "Sheep Parade" inspired the header for HOD, has officially gone missing.

Landon: Claus no longer exists!!!!

according to myspace

me: ?????

NOOOOOOOOOOO

Landon: yeah, i'm strangely saddened by this

me: that is horrible

well, sheep parade will live forever on houseodudes.com

Landon: haha, awesome. the legacy lives on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now that you're sufficiently confused, I'll start at the beginning.

8:52 AM Landon: dude, i have a great story

me: I have no life
please continue

Landon: so i got a myspace message from someone named Claus
8:53 AM not claus like santa claus, some danish guy named claus
at first i thought it was regular spam
until the subject line said "hey Landon"
i dont' know a claus nor have i ever
so i was curious

me: hmm
now I'm curious...

8:54 AM Landon: so here was his message...

Let me just take a wild guess

I was searching fore running sheeps through flickr.com
and then there appeared a very good photo of a lot of running sheeps in new zealand.

The reason why I searched fore it was that I don..t actually have access to those types of pictures since I..m from Denmark/Aarhus. And since I..ve have attended to use some running sheeps in an further artistic sence.

So, a long story short, you wouldn..t happen to be the owner of the picture called sheep parade at flickr.com.

If so, can I get the permission to use it makeing a work of art.

I hope your will consider

p.s feel free to check out my website.
www.claus-velling-hansen.dk [This link still works, btw –ED]

sincerely
Claus

i will give you a minute to read that and fully enjoy it

8:55 AM me: sheep parade?!?!?!

Landon: haha, i know!

so i replied....

Hello Claus,

Glad to hear you came across my photos of running sheep. Feel free to use them. It would be an honor.

If you ever need anything else, please feel free to send me a message.

Sincerely,

Landon

and sent a friend request
which he accepted

8:56 AM me: WTF

Landon: this morning i get in to work and have 2 messages from Claus

the first....

Hello Landon

That..s just great !!!
because the idea came into my head after I had heard Trentemøller.. moan video (I don..t know if you know him, but he makes very good electronic music)

And then I was so lucky that I guy from Scotland give me permisson also to use his photo of Roslin Institute, where the sheep dolly was created.... and then I guess you can imagine the rest....

Thanks alot again

Sincerely

Claus

the second...

Hello Landon

I have submitted the sheep parade picture, and then I saw that it..s resolution was that high, you wouldn..t happen to have it in a higher resolution.

If so, please mail it to my email adress: claus@claus-veling-hansen.dk

Sincerely

Claus

8:57 AM me: you don't own that picture, do you?

Landon: of course not

me: HAHA

Landon: i replied...

Hi Claus,

Unfortunately I don't have the picture in a higher resolution, only the format you have.

I hope you're still able to use it.

- Landon

i am cracking up over here
i love the internet

me: My favorite part might be:

"Trentemøller.. moan video (I don..t know if you know him, but he makes very good electronic music)"

8:58 AM Landon: haha, i know

me: oh, yeah, trentmoller

Landon: i like the .. instead of an apostrophe
the whole thing is magic

me: it's absolute magic

Landon: i knew you'd appreciate it

8:59 AM me: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sethward/73689563/

Landon: do you think this is the picture?

me: I don't know!
9:00 AM I just searched "sheep parade"

Landon: HAHA
haha, this is awesome

me: I'm lovin it
9:01 AM or...it could be this... http://www.flickr.com/photos/cocktailia/471301964/

Landon: HAHAHA, I HOPE that's not it

me: hehe, I like this one:
"Ewe have a nice day!"
9:02 AM http://www.flickr.com/photos/macomaco/1790746209/

Landon: HAHAHA
Ewe have a nice day, i love it
9:03 AM i have been laughing since last night

me: it's just so fucking bizarre

Landon: exactly
so fucking random

9:04 AM me: I also searched "sheep parade Landon" and got nothing

Landon: and i could have left it alone...

me: the fact that he wanted a better resolution makes it twice as good

Landon: haha, i know
sorry to disappoint him, but i don't even have the original
9:05 AM now i have to see this "project" he's using it for

me: I know!

Landon: and now Claus is on my buddies list

me: please keep tabs on that guy

Landon: i'll try to
this might be worthy of a pan-atlantic road trip

me: this is a little more understated
http://www.flickr.com/photos/andzwe/1367398039/

9:41 AM Landon: haha, what would happen if this "project" became a huge success?
became the Mona Lisa of sheep related artworkd
artwork*
and Claus was the next Monet

9:42 AM me: we could say we remembered him when

Landon: yeah, but the real owner of the photo might surface, then we'd have a controversy
the plot would thicken

me: controversy!
9:43 AM please make that happen

Landon: i can't do anything about that, the art community has to make it happen

9:44 AM me: it's on their narrow shoulders now

Landon: it's completely in their hands
if a can of tomato soup can become famous, then why can't running sheep?

9:45 AM me: so profound
he will do for sheep what picasso did for goofy shapes

Landon: haha
or what Salvador Dali did for melting clocks and mustaches

9:46 AM me: or what Degas did for pedophilia

Landon: or Hitchcock for birds

me: or Bob Ross for happy trees

10:36 AM Landon: from my cousin regarding Claus:

I can’t even imagine how he got you wrapped up in his sheep love affair – hope he wears a condom!

10:39 AM me: ...
ass
that almost ruined the whole thing for me

10:40 AM Landon: haha!

10:41 AM i don't think it could be ruined at this point

10:42 AM me: no, it's very resilient
fortunately

Landon: fortunately
10:43 AM claus just sent me a message!

10:44 AM Hi

I can..t garentee it but I will try and see how it turns out.

Claus

me: ooooh
the intrigue!

Landon: my response:

Well, I hope you're able to use it. I was also hoping to see the final project when you're done. I am excited that my picture will be incorporated into a piece of art.

- Landon

me: nice

10:48 AM Landon: thanks

'Hurricane Katrina Was A Blessing Of God'

2008-03-21T01:29:00.005-04:00

Pastor Manning strikes again.

'Hillary ain't never been called a nigger!'

2008-03-20T01:00:00.001-04:00

So if you haven't heard about Obama's minister, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, talkin' shit about Israel, you better recognize. While Obama reaches for the I HAVE LOTS OF JEWISH FRIENDS card, some people are wondering if he's getting a pass on incidents like this.

There were those who tried to compare the connection between Obama and Wright to that of Republican candidates to extremist preachers from the Evangelistic right. For example, the relationship between John McCain and the pro-Israel preacher John Hagee, who has already expressed similar contempt for the Catholic faith. This is a possible comparison, but in this case it is not applicable.

"[Obama's] connection to Wright isn't the equivalent to John McCain's going to Liberty University to make nice with [preacher] Jerry Falwell," writes Ross Douthat in The Atlantic magazine. "It's the equivalent of John McCain taking his wife and children, most Sundays, to Jerry Falwell's church." And this McCain has not done - neither with Falwell, nor with Hagee."

This is what one of Obama's Jewish listeners in Cleveland asked him: "Would a Jewish senator be forgiven for his belonging to a synagogue which is headed by a rabbi who curses America?" He thinks that such a senator would not. He also thinks that Obama has been treated lightly on this issue. Why? The listener is silent. If he would have spoken, he would certainly have mentioned the color of the candidate's skin. He is not the only one to hold that extreme remarks by African-American leaders are treated leniently.

In any event, the debate concerning the candidate's skin color is renewing. Wright, when he explained the deficiencies of the opposing candidate, said "Hillary [Clinton] ain't never been called a Nigger!"

That may be true, but nobody ever said Obama had a penis like it was a bad thing.

The Florida-Michigan Thing:Not a Capital One Bowl Recap

2008-03-19T23:59:00.000-04:00

Does all this talk about do-overs and superdelegates has you muttering, "What the fuck?" Me too. So far, this is all I know:

Florida and Michigan had their primaries in January, which was a violation of party rules because they were held too early. The Democratic National Committee (DNC, yeah you know me!) has declared both of those primaries invalid. Hillary would have won both states had those results been valid. Obama was not even on the ballot in Michigan, obviously because they hate black people there.

The significance of this is that those two states would have sat 336 delegates, all of which would have been voting for Clinton. As your dumb ass can tell from the graphic at the top, Obama leads by 128 delegates.

Since accountability is absent from any politician's credo, and since the DNC has realized that the race for the nomination is too close to warrant passivity, a sect of the party is scrambling to devise a way to let Florida and Michigan off the hook. From sfgate.com:

The fairest approach would be to schedule binding contests in Michigan and Florida. [Another] primary in each state would seem unlikely because of the cost and logistics it would impose on state and local governments. A more practical alternative would be to hold caucuses in each state, with the costs being absorbed by the Democratic National Committee. Clinton, who has been arguing for the seating of the delegates from the nonbinding January primaries, obviously has no interest in a do-over in Michigan or Florida - especially because Obama has performed particularly well in the caucus format.

I love how "fair" to them just means "whatever Hillary is interested in doing." I understand that some homosexuals live in San Francisco. I think that's great.

Anyway, this whole shitheap is still up in the air, and everyone's weighing in. Conservative pundit Glenn Beck, who's not nearly as bad as Ann Coulter, says "Rules is rules."

Americans aren't disenfranchised because our leaders won't count votes in a couple of states. They're disenfranchised because our leaders aren't doing their jobs. They're disenfranchised because after working hard to support their families and to raise kids who understand the difference between right and wrong, their leaders do exactly the opposite.

In the cases of Florida and Michigan, I've patiently listened to all the moving arguments about why there should be a "do-over," but quite honestly, they're not arguments at all. They're excuses. If this race wasn't so close, or if these states offered a combined 36 delegates instead of 366, do you really think anyone would care? Of course not.

Honestly, I think they should have a do-over of that Capital One Bowl. How the fuck did Lloyd Carr manage to win a bowl game?

2008-03-18T09:43:00.003-04:00

Overheard in Columbus:

George Jefferson, James Anderson, [and] Michael Washington promised life, liberty, and clean pantaloons

Thanks, Brandon M.

Tarkenton to Tiger: Keep It Real

2008-03-17T19:16:00.005-04:00

NFL Hall of Fame quarterback and expert of African-American sociology Fran Tarkenton said on his blog that he expects Tiger Woods to endorse Barack Obama for the presidency(emphasis mine, as always).

Tiger has never, in my memory, endorsed any political candidate or taken any strong political stand. Sometimes people have even criticized him for that. I certainly haven’t. I think he’s done everything right.

But I’m going to share with you that I think that very soon, in this historic year of politics in America, Tiger Woods will come out with a strong endorsement of Barack Obama. And I think it would be the right thing for him to do.

The right thing to do? Really? Why is that, Francis?

It is an historic time – a young black man running for President of the United States of America, with a very good chance to win. And here is an icon of sports who happens to be black, [that would be] endorsing that candidate.

Opra [sic] Winfrey had never supported another candidate publicly before, and she’s come out, as she should. And I just believe that the two of these tremendous men, Barack Obama and Tiger Woods should join forces, and my prediction is that Tiger, in the next few weeks or months, will come out with a strong endorsement of Barack. Watch for it.

This isn't gonna happen. First of all, Tiger Woods isn't black, he's Cablinasian. Secondly, even if he was black, who gives a shit? Does Opra? Tiger certainly doesn't put any stock in that sort of thing. He named his daughter after the fat hobbit in Lord of the Rings, for fuck's sake.

Nike athletes wouldn't endorse so much as a cup of chocolate milk, they're so allergic to controversy. More to the point, it costs them money. Most of us have no problem when Tiger tells us what to shave with or what shoes to buy, but who we vote for is none of his concern, just as his vote is none of ours.

I wish somebody would hand that fucking memo to Elton John.

Why, Silda? Why?

2008-03-12T12:24:00.000-04:00

Stand by your man? Whatever. You're just as big a ho as that bitch he hired.

Geraldine Be Hatin'

2008-03-11T23:59:00.002-04:00

Geraldine Ferraro, who knows so much about winning presidential elections, was talkin' shit about Barack to some shitty newspaper someplace.

Ferraro told the Daily Breeze of Torrance, Calif.: "If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position. And if he was a woman (of any color) he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is. And the country is caught up in the concept."

Ferraro, a former New York Congresswomanperson, has been supporting Hillary and helping her raise money throughout the campaign. But when the word hit the street, Clinton didn't trip, and let loose with a "Bitch be Cuh-RAY-ZAY!"

Clinton said, "I do not agree with that," and later added, "It's regrettable that any of our supporters — on both sides, because we both have this experience — say things that kind of veer off into the personal."

"We ought to keep this on the issues. there are differences between us" on approaches to health care, energy, experience.

What the fuck is going on in that camp, man? "Oh, let's get Geraldine on camera! That'll set everyone straight!" Fucking morons. That's almost a worse idea than a Hillary-Geraldine sex tape. Almost.

Obama Pimps Out Black Women And White Women

2008-03-10T11:42:00.003-04:00

Pastor Manning of ATLAH World Ministries has an opinion or two about the junior Senator from Illinois.

Thanks, Dad.

So 18% Of Voting Ohio Is Racist ?

2008-03-09T14:09:00.010-04:00

Y! News points to exit polls from the Ohio primary that suggests that strong black support from Obama in that state may have turned Whitey the other way (emphasis mine):

Ronald Walters, a University of Maryland political scientist who tracks racial trends and is writing a book on Obama, thinks Obama's strong support from blacks made it easier for some whites in Ohio and Texas to vote for Clinton.

"There's some of that," Walters said in an interview. He pointed to exit polls from Ohio, where 62 percent of all whites lack college degrees and many are anxious about their jobs in a weak economy.

"This is a racially sensitive group," he said, referring specifically to whites who earn less than $50,000 a year and did not attend college.

"They are the quintessential Reagan Democrats," he said. "They feel they've been left" and their resentment can have social and racial overtones.

Ohio exit polls support Walters' view. Eighteen percent of white Ohio voters said race was an important factor in their decision, and of that group, three in four voted for Clinton.

So one in four potential white supremacists voted for Obama? How's that now?

And all those black people that voted for Obama? They weren't being racist; they're just well-educated advocates for hope and change. Remember that controversial phone ad that Hillary started running a couple weeks ago? It should have just been scrolling text that read,"Hillary. The Other White Meat."

[Yahoo! News]

'It's time to wish niggers good luck.'

2008-03-09T13:43:00.001-04:00

[Dr. Condi] is accomplished as hell: a Ph.D. in poli-sci from the University of Denver. Former provost of Stanford. At thirty-five, barely a kid in Washington years, she was a staffer at the National Security Council. She came onto the foreign-policy train wreck that was the early days of G. W. Bush's 2000 campaign. Helped mold his malapropism-afflicted worldview into a demicoherent one. After the certification of Bush's election, Dr. Condi got herself easily appointed as national-security advisor.

Firsts all the way around.

Black America should have been singing hosannas.

But Condi was Republican. So never mind.

COLIN POWELL was the undisputed superstar of American politics.

His bio was bulletproof.

His bona fides undeniable: service in 'Nam. Chairman of the Joint Chiefs. Part of the team that cruised to victory in Gulf War I. Author of the Powell Doctrine, which states that overwhelming force makes an enemy your bee-yotch.

When he quit the military, real quick Powell became "the Get." Both parties wanted to snag him, wag him from their standard.

Powell went right.

Predictably, niggers immediately abandoned him.

Victory was at hand. The U. S. crewmen were just days and an official letter of regret to the Chinese government away from returning home. And you know that homecoming would have been filled with hoopla and pageantry. The Retro Guard would have to kneel before the superior intellect of the ascended black. Likewise, the Old-School Negroes and their liberal massas would be forced to acknowledge the evolutionary brother and sister. When the images of the homecoming were played and played and played from the morning empty-chat shows through the nightly news to Larry King and his first exclusive primetime interview (with call-ins!) of the crew, all of America would see freedom was won by a black man, a black woman.

They would have seen all that.

Except.

Niggers fucked it up.

The Manifesto of Ascendancy for the Modern American Nigger.

A compelling read from John Ridley, originally published in November 2006.

[Esquire.com]

Hillary Finds Competing With Black Man Unfair, Not Talking About Open Gym At Downtown Y

2008-02-29T09:48:00.004-05:00

From Political Punch: Hillary plays the "woman" card in a Nightline interview that aired last night as she discusses her travails on the campaign trail (emphasis added).

"I think a lot of women project their own feelings and their lives onto me, and they see how hard this is. It's hard. It's hard being a woman out there. It is obviously challenging with some of the things that are said that are not even personal to me so much as they are about women.

"And I think women just sort of shake their head. My friends do. They say, 'Oh, my gosh, this is so hard.' Well, it's supposed to be hard. I'm running for the hardest job in the world. No one has ever done this. No woman has ever won a presidential primary before I won New Hampshire. This is hard. And I don't expect any sympathy, I don't expect any kind of, you know, allowances or special privileges, because I knew what I was getting myself into.

"Every so often I just wish that it were a little more of an even playing field, but, you know, I play on whatever field is out there."

"Oh my gosh, they're not going to just hand the White House to me?"

One of my big gripes with the Clintons is that they seem so incredibly insulated from the outside world. And yes, most politicians would fit that bill, as many other groups would. But part of making history as the first female presidential nominee is going to involve making history overcoming obstacles which swallowed up the Elizabeth Doles and the Geraldine Ferraros. These remarks just reinforce a notion of entitlement that many of us are tired of seeing in our elected officials, which may explain why someone with less than four years in the Senate looks so attractive as a candidate.

Yes, I am attracted to black men.

Obama Kinda Looks Like Richard Pryor

2008-02-29T09:30:00.001-05:00

I WOULD TAP IT

2008-02-23T03:44:00.004-05:00

This is the issue that comes up with hot lobbyists. Nobody would believe that you weren't fucking one of them. Here's the image of Vicki Iseman, the object of whom the New York Times so wonderfully insinuated that McCain was slipping his bamboo. I think I would be more upset if I found out that he WASN'T fucking this broad.

That said, for McCain to be this close to any sort of lobbyist while he's parading around DC trying to get more regulation passed for restricting his fellow federal swine, well...what more could you ask from a potential leader of the free world?

Republican, my ass.

What Do Fred Thompson And Heath Ledger Have In Common?

2008-01-22T18:40:00.000-05:00

Neither one will be president in 2008.

Thompson, 65, officially withdrew himself from consideration after he finished third in the SC primaries, behind McCain and Huckabee, over the weekend. Coupled with Romney prevailing in NV, the writing for Thompson was pretty much on the wall.

Thompson, the former Tennessee senator who most of us recognize from Law & Order, got a late start in the game and never did anything to make up for it, despite being an early favorite in a wide-open field.

Deadspin's own Camp Tiger Claw and I had this discussion regarding Thompson's withdrawal:

CAMP TIGER CLAW: Thanks for playing Fred Tompson
Thompson
what the hell was the point of all that?
MMP: ??
CAMP TIGER CLAW: Fred Thompson dropped out
MMP: oh, his campaign
CAMP TIGER CLAW: that was the worst fucking campaign i've ever seen
MMP: yeah, now he gets to keep his campaign money
it was 100% half-assed
4:02 PM CAMP TIGER CLAW: ridiculous
4:03 PM how the fuck do you get that kind of buzz and not even pull out a second place with this terrible group or republicans
4:04 PM MMP: because he couldn't separate himself from the field
what's worse
?
thompson shitting himself
or
someone like Kucinich, who never has any shot of doing anything and yet still runs year after year
CAMP TIGER CLAW: Thompson
by far
Kucinich brings something to the dialogue
4:05 PM people like Kucinich and Ron Paul are totally essential to a system that refuses to move past two parties
Thompson just comes off as having had nothing to say at all... which again, is incredible when you look at this group of candidates
4:06 PM MMP: yeah, but I think more than anything, he was pushed in by people that had money
he didn't really give a shit
CAMP TIGER CLAW: well jesus... thank god no one fell for it if that's the case
4:07 PM MMP: I think that was the issue
he just kinda wandered in
however
I think if, once the primaries are over, and the field gets down to 2
and Bloomberg wanders in
I think that might shake some shit up
4:08 PM CAMP TIGER CLAW: Bloomberg is going to get almost all of his support from left leaning independents
which would kill obama
THe republicans should pray that Bloomberg gets in
4:09 PM he's really socially liberal... wouldn't steal too many of their votes
MMP: yeah, that's why the media wants his nuts
4:10 PM CAMP TIGER CLAW: oh you're not one of those "damn the liberal media" types are you
4:11 PM MMP: It's just like in sports
everyone has a bias
4:12 PM so, yeah, to a point. anytime I hear about what a horrible person so-and-so is, I have to stop and look for evidence
CAMP TIGER CLAW: well yeah... the media is pretty reprehensible when it comes to political coverage
but the fact that they're left leaning is an old wives tale
they're equal opportunity idiots
4:13 PM MMP: they are
I think 9/11 threw their ethos out of whack though
isolationist thinking doesn't really work when foreigners are blowing up your shit
4:14 PM fox news, for all its bullshit, does bring a balance to the debate
CAMP TIGER CLAW: the media was completely complicit in the war, though. not isolationist at all.
never have so few questions been raised about such a huge policy decision
4:15 PM yeah, but that's an indictment of all sides. that for balance to be brought in they have to have be full of shit
MMP: that's what I mean, it was a total shock to the establishment
4:16 PM and they went from rightfully questioning the poorest executive leader we've had since Carter to getting rah-rah about blowing up some towelheads
if you'll pardon the expression
CAMP TIGER CLAW: ah. i thought you meant they pleaded for isolationism during the lead up to the way
war*
MMP: oh no
but you look at the USS Cole, the embassy bombings
those went virtually unchecked
that's partly why 9/11 was able to be conceived
because nobody was watching the areas of the world that weren't sending in campaign contributions
CAMP TIGER CLAW: ha
+1
MMP: thanks

Almost Funny: Hillary Clinton

2008-01-18T01:45:00.000-05:00

HT: Below The Belt

Huers In Media: Katie Couric

2008-01-17T10:55:00.000-05:00

Full disclosure: I can't stand Couric at all. I didn't like her on the Today show, and, while I've never actually seen her in her latest gig as CBS Evening News anchor, it doesn't surprise me that the news program's ratings have taken a well-documented slide. I don't find her personality to be a good fit for that of an evening news anchor.

Anyway, somebody from CBS leaked this tape of behind-the-scenes coverage of Couric's January 8th coverage of the New Hampsire primaries. This is long, but there are some good bits in here, including Katie drinking from a coffee mug roughly the size of her head, and her screaming, "Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit!" CBS should just make this their news show. At least this is remotely worth watching.

From Huffington Post, via My Damn Channel

Guess What, F-gg-ts? I'm Not Out Of This B-tch Yet!

2008-01-16T02:15:00.000-05:00

Don't think I couldn't hear you and your homosexual friends from behind the huge stack of lunch trays over there, "Oh, Mitt's finished. Poor Mitt, he'll never take a state, now. I guess Mitt's all washed up." Well, you and your illegal immigrant amigos can choke on this:

I WON MICHIGAN!

Holy fucking shit! I sure had a better night than Brad Renfro, that's for GOT-DAMN sure! I am a campaign artiste. Behold as I navagate my latest work with a palate of fiscal prudence and bigotry well-veiled as "family values."

Sweet fucking shit, I'm on top of the world!

Peace.

2007-12-31T02:11:00.000-05:00

Female Asscrackage Under The Prism Of The Democratic Process

2007-09-17T01:28:00.001-04:00

Before anyone decided that women should be allowed to vote, or hold jobs, or walk outside, someone should have made sure that these subservient beings were capable of putting on pants.

Lucky for us, our good friends at Whale Tail have documented some of the instances where low-rise jeans attack. Rate each thong-and-buttocks combo with the unbiased eye that only you possess. Fair warning: Some asses are prettier than others (but you don't need me to tell you that), but all are worth a gander, at least for, oh, 5 minutes or so. It doesn't take much longer than that for repeats to show up, and some pictures are either too big, or don't show up at all.

While definitely worth a peek, Whale Tail falls short of its potential, and the site isn't really everything it's cracked up to be. How ironic.

www.whale-tail.com

Website: C
Service to Mankind: A+

HR 1: Advice from the Founders

2007-09-03T22:20:00.000-04:00

Benjamin Franklin, Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress (1745).

June 25, 1745

My dear Friend,

I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entering into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

i. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor'd with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with much Inconvenience.

4. Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin'd to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding2 only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.

8thly and Lastly They are so grateful!!

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely Your affectionate Friend.

-----

Benjamin Franklin-- Even in death, a gentleman, scholar, and a inspiration to the great House O' Dudes.

House Resolution 1: A Defining of Terms

2007-08-28T14:36:00.000-04:00

First, I would like to applaud distinguished gentleman from South Carolina for bringing up a topic that has much need for debate. All men would agree that there should be some form of rules, mores, etc. when dating, otherwise mankind would degenerate into concupiscent beasts made most infamous by German schiesty films, hipsters at MisShapes, and the 2005 Minnesota Vikings. Wearing leather suits, rocking eye make-up/lipstick, and using a double-sided dildo in full view of your teammates is no way to go through life, son(s)!

But I think it’s important to distinguished between what noted man philosopher Ice-T characterized as the only three women that a man needs: his wife, his mistress, and his ho’. If you meet a girl who might potentially be your wife, rules should apply. The same essentially goes with a mistress. However the ho’ deserves no such accommodations. I’ve dealt with these chicken-headed strumpets for quite some time, and the truth of it is that they want you to treat them badly. The nicer you are, the less they like you, and the more you treat them like crap, they either (a) like you more or (b) get so offended that they leave you entirely. The latter has never happened. The only rules that should apply to the man trying to bed one are...

1. Wear a rubber
2. Never pay for anything/pay only for alcohol
3. Seek immediate and ultimate self-gratification with no regard for anything else
4. Seriously dude, wear a fucking rubber.

We need to define our terms. I move that the title of HR 1 “To ordain and establish the requisite waiting period to have sex with a new significant other” should be struck, and changed to “To ordain and establish the requisite waiting period to have sex with a potential wife and/or mistress.”

From there we can continue this debate.

INTERNAL NOTE: Will the kind speaker of this house place this movement in a field that is appropriate if it is not already so.

House Resolution 1: Waiting Period for Sexy Time in a New Relationship

2007-08-28T08:52:00.001-04:00

House o' Dudes

1st Session

H. R. 1

To ordain and establish the requsite waiting period to have sex with a new significant other.

IN THE HOUSE O' DUDES

AUGUST 28, 2007

Mr. MONDAY MORNING PUNTER of South Carolina introduces the following bill; which was referred to the Esteemed forthwith

A BILL

To allocate and identify proper passage of time for hitting that ass.

Be it enacted by the House o' Dudes of the United States of America assembled,

SECTION 1. SHORT TITLE.

This Act may be cited as the 'Sexy Time Act of 2007'.

SECTION 2. INSTITUTION OF WAITING PERIOD.

The waiting period shall be considered expired when any of the following occur:

(a) Thirty (30) days from the first (1st) date,
(b) Sum of all dating and relationship expenditures exceeds $300 US dollars (USD)
(c) the Conclusion of the mutual watching of a second feature film with an 'R' rating or greater.

SECTION 3. DEBATE AND HOUSE VOTE

This ACT shall be debated and/or amended during House business, with the House Vote For Passage to transpire 31 AUGUST 2007 at 12 PM.

Passport Necessary?

2007-08-26T20:43:00.001-04:00

Hindi? Punjabi? I'm not sure.

That's Spanish, I know that.

It's a linguist's paradise.

Disheveled children running about. Dirty faces and hands.

Lot of camouflage hats. And shorts.

Not a lot of smiling faces.

Beginning to regret making this trek to the third world.

In the future, I'll drive the extra few miles to Target.

Walmart scares the hell out of me.

Sage Advice

2007-08-26T16:52:00.001-04:00

I trust you'll show this to every woman you know, because it's about time they were told again.

Shades Of My Dong

2007-08-25T22:25:00.000-04:00

I've always wondered what a blog would look like if it was the same color as my cock.

The look of this thing will be in flux for a while, until we can get the graphics hosted. Thanks for...nothing.

A Saturday In August

2007-08-25T16:49:00.000-04:00

Mid-day and the Florida sun is scorching earth and flesh. Too hot to go outside. Air conditioning is the only refuge. A cold Blue Moon with an orange slice. A box of tissue. Lotion. An old Dallas Cowboys tee shirt. A DVD and a big screen HDTV.

August Saturday afternoons before the start of college football season are all the same, aren't they?

Who the fuck are you people?

2007-08-25T07:40:00.000-04:00

I haven't slept in 40 hours, an d I'm so zonked out on Red Bull and Vodka and some pill some midget gave me I can't even feel my cock.

Visions of a dark future.

I Am Drunk

2007-08-25T01:08:00.000-04:00

I met some people from work tonight at the bar. I am so smashed right now. I called all my KSK boys and then went to my office and then drove home. Is that bad?

Yes. Yes, it is.

WTF?

2007-08-24T22:47:00.000-04:00

Uhhhhh...

I have no clue if anyone will ever read this, but I got this invite from MMP earlier tonight. I don't have a clue if this is gonna be a real blog or what, but we'll find out, I guess.

Bangin'

2007-08-24T22:25:00.001-04:00

Is there ever an appropriate time to get nasty with a woman? Don't you, in some way, have to come out and say, "Baby, I wanna fuck you good tonight." These are the things I want to know.